5 May

Last night as I was going off to sleep I heard Toby’s voice. It was as clear as if he was in the room. as soon as I heard it though it was gone, I could not even remember what he had said. I then spent a very sleepless night trying to remember his voice, hear something he once said. It is just another layer of loss, something impossible to recapture but compelling to attempt. It breaks my heart.

This morning I took Stephen to school, the sound of Toby’s voice still drawing me and then up in the sky above the M61 a big huge ‘t’ appeared 

at moments like that I can’t help but think some one is looking down on me. Bitter sweet tears.

I’ve had a number of conversations about belief and faith over the past few weeks. Every time I think I have it sorted in my head something happens which creates turmoil and makes me question everything. I guess whatever truth is your truth it just takes a leap of faith….. 


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