Archive | April, 2013

And life goes on

19 Apr

So the wheels keep on turning and the days disappear, it’s nearly nine months now since Toby left us. Nine months; the same time I carried my most treasured possession. All the hopes and aspirations I had for him. I wanted him to make me proud and he did; in so many ways.

My world has got so much smaller, it is a different world to the one when Toby was with us. I am very selective now about who is in my world. I just need people who make no demands and have no expectations, they just let me be as I want to be and do not judge. I am acutely aware of some of the people who are no longer in my world, they did not choose to come on the journey with me and I do understand but for me now I have changed so much that those past relationships carry less meaning. I do not want to have to explain myself to people, I do not need them to play catch up. I have been sat here waiting, it is they who chose not to come. It does make me sad but I am also aware of the many new friends that I have made since Toby died, a most unexpected thing but one that once again reinforces to me the intrinsic good of most people. From the hairdresser, to the people at the church, and all those now involved in #tobysgift and supporting us in our aspirations. It gives me a warm glow, it is a virtual hug, it is the essential goodness of mankind.

Over recent months i have got to know some lovely people on twitter who are playing the waiting game. Recently one of them got the call and I have been able to follow the ups and downs of a heart transplant from the other side. I won’t deny that it has been with very mixed emotions but the most overwhelming one has been the desperate need for it to work, not only for the recipient and her family but for the donors family. Saying yes to donation was an easy decision for us to make but for that gift to be made and then be for nothing would be next to unbearable. On some days the knowledge that Toby lives on in others not only through memories and impact but also through his gift of life is all that keeps me going. My boy was my most precious gift to the world, he touch many lives in such a good way, to not have allowed him to do that after his death would have been a waste.

#tobysgift #organdonation #havethediscussion we did and we have never once regretted it. To know that my child has changed so many lives makes me the proudest mum in the world.