#fromtheheart

10 Feb

I can not deny how hard I am finding it at the moment. We are doing so many amazing things because of Toby; who would of ever thought that I would write or be on the television! It keeps him alive but also brings a great sadness down on me, it is like a veil or a mist, cloaking all that I say and do. Toby forms a backdrop to my world, he is continually there in my thoughts in what ever I say or do. My stomach lurches when I feel him fall, my heart misses a beat when I see him gone, I smile when I remember the good times, I laugh when I remember the mischief. And all those sensations can happen in a blink of an eye. It makes it very hard for me to concentrate on anything else. It is not a world that I really want to share at the moment, my company is not good. It is strange you know to be at your happiest being sad. It is a very difficult sensation to explain. I do not need people to try and make me feel better at the moment, I just need people to let me feel, with that will come healing and who knows, one day a sense of peace.

So my readers will you be watching me tomorrow? I hope you do, remember my tears do not bother me, they bring me release. I do understand that they may upset you but hey, its about time we all had a cry together, you have all got me this far and I know that you will help me all the way. Monday 6pm Granda News – link to follow for those out of this news region

Holls and other 2006025

Remember in the dark of the night when you hear that sound it is just my boy’s heart still beating, it is making me smile #tobysgift #organdonation #havethediscussion #fromtheheart

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2 Responses to “#fromtheheart”

  1. Vic Gardener February 10, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    I will be watching, albeit through the Internet as I’m in a different region. I am very happy to shed tears with you – I admire so much that you choose to share aspects of your journey.

  2. Alina Coyle February 12, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    I watched last night, you are a very brave lady and hopefully more people will sign up to the register as a result. best wishes always to you and your family. Alina (kate’s mum)

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